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This article is a transcript of the Greatest Freakout Ever episode "Greatest freak out ever 13" from season, which posted on April 7, 2011.


  • Jack: Okay, I'm in California and yesterday, I did an audition for a promo video for thehappiestcompany.com and they said I did pretty well. So, they had Stephen come back today and this is the audition.
  • Stephen: ...I don't know what you are saying.
  • Director Man: Okay, so, it's just three words, it's...
  • (Jack sets the camera seeing Stephen talking to the director.)
  • Stephen: Okay, yes. I know. It's, it's three freakin' words, you said that ten frickin' times. What are the words?
  • Director Man: Okay, let's... I-I-I can repeat it again. thehappiestcompany.com
  • Stephen: I don't know what you're saying. Mom, what is he saying?
  • Jennifer: thehappiestcompany.com
  • Jack: Stephen, seriously just do it.
  • Stephen: Nobody's talking to you, Jack! Why do you always have to throw your two-cents in?
  • Jennifer: He did it yesterday.
  • Stephen: thehappiestcompany.com
  • Director Man: Okay, so any, uh, just like put it on, and repeat it again.
  • Stephen: No. Okay, if you can't see my face, what's the point of me being here? I don't wanna be here in the first place.
  • Director: Yeah, I know, man, just like put it on and just say it.
  • Stephen: Oh, my god. thehappiestcompany.com
  • Director Man: Okay, also I'm not, yeah, let's move on. We have a slogan for our company, it's... (Stephen throws the mask) 
  • Jack: Stephen, come on.
  • Stephen: You know he did that for a joke, right?
  • Jennifer: No, Jack did that yesterday.
  • Stephen: Yeah, and Jack's a, oh, okay, go.
  • Director Man: Just, a slogan, yeah, we are,the most positive company, uh, that makes me people more happy.
  • Stephen: I don't know, I-I-I absolutely you know what he's saying.
  • Jack: Stephen, he said "That the most positive company that makes people more happy."
  • Director Man: Yeah, so this is idea for our company...
  • Jennifer: Just say it.
  • Stephen: No, I'm not saying that. That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. I'm not saying that.
  • Director Man: Yeah, so, this is the idea of our company, so we are trying to make people better, we are trying to make people smile, we are try...
  • Stephen: I know, you said 50 times.
  • Director Man: To, to, uh, to make the world better and stop the wars and everything, so this is the idea for our our company and we just you, you to say, uh, the most positive company that makes...
  • Stephen: I'm not saying that.
  • Director Man: Yeah, this is a but, this is the idea for our company, and we don't care like, uh, black people or white people. Uh, what religion you have, or like let’s say, you're straight and you're gay or something like that, just...
  • Jennifer: Ste...
  • Stephen: He pointed at me when he said gay!
  • Jennifer: No, he did... Oh, my god!
  • Jack: Stephen, he wasn't even talking about you. (Stephen breaks the chair.) Dude, Stephen, seriously you can't break their crap.
  • Jennifer: Steph...  (Stephen breaks the picture.) Oh, my...
  • Jack: Oh, my god.
  • Jennifer: Stephen, cut it out! (Stephen breaks another picture.)
  • Jack: Stephen! (moves their green ball on the floor.) Stephen, seriously stop.
  • Jennifer: Cut it out!
  • Stephen: IT'S FREAKING BULLCRAP THAT YOU LET PEOPLE TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! (throws that green ball at downstairs.)
  • Jennifer: Just, cut it... (Stephen smashing that object.) Oh, my god. All right, that, that is enough, Stephen.
  • Jack: Stephen, chill out!!!
  • Stephen: Get off me!! (destroys the tree in the floor.)
  • Jennifer: He was not calling... Oh, my god. Just... (Stephen hits a picture with a baseball bat.) Cut it out! Cut... sto... (Stephen breaks the picture with the baseball bat.) Stephen! Cut it out!! Give...
  • Stephen: I don't, no!
  • Jennifer: No! Give me...
  • Stephen: This is bullcrap!
  • Jennifer: Give me...
  • Stephen: Stay away from me!
  • Jack: Stephen, stop!!
  • Jennifer: Just give me the bat.
  • Jack: Oh, my god!
  • Jennifer: Oh, my god. (Stephen sprays the fire extinguisher.) Stephen.
  • Director Man: Ma'am, what he is doing?
  • Jennifer: I don't know. You know.
  • Jack: Stephen, stop! Put that crap down.
  • Jennifer: Jack, let's go. Let's go! Let's go! (Stephen keeps continuing to destroy objects with the baseball bat and stops.) Stop!
  • Security Guard: Hey, hey! Hey!
  • Jennifer: Stop! Oh! (Stephen pushes the security guard away.)
  • Security Guard: Hey!
  • Jennifer: Let's go, now!
  • Jack: Stephen!
  • Jennifer: Let's go. 
  • Stephen: (drops the baseball bat.) WHY DO YOU LET PEOPLE TALK TO ME LIKE THAT?!
  • Security Guard: Hey!
  • Jack: (zooms the camera at the Happiest Company car.) Oh, my god.