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This article is a transcript of the Greatest Freakout Ever episode "Greatest freakout ever 20" from season, which posted on December 31, 2011.


  • Jack: Okay, I'm at the Bahamas on Bahamas Water Tours. And Stephen's been acting up all day, so I'm gonna try and get him to do something on camera.
  • Captain #1: The blue ones, uh, those are pirate fish.
  • Jennifer: Man, it's like that big. Look at it.
  • Captain #1: Yeah, it's really big too.
  • Stephen: Let's catch 'em.
  • Lady #1: Oh, yeah.
  • Captain #1: Oh, you can't catch 'em.
  • Stephen: Why?
  • Captain #2: We're at Bahamas. Only the Bahamas.
  • Captain #1: It's protected, it's a protected area.
  • Stephen: What does it matter?
  • Captain #1: Just...
  • Jennifer: We just look at them.
  • Captain #1: Yeah, just look at them.
  • Jennifer: Look at the coral.
  • Captain #1: Is that what?
  • Stephen: I don't wanna just look at stuff, I wanna catch it.
  • Lady: Well, that's great. I mean, you told me what.
  • Captain #2: Well, well, well... why don't you go in yourself. You're in the Bahamas you know.
  • Captain #1: (Crosstalk)
  • Captain #2: Yeah, face time and be careful, it'll bite his hands off.
  • Captain #1: Just looking at them. Yeah, you feed them.
  • Stephen: I want to catch 'em, I don't care about feeding them.
  • Captain #1: Relax.
  • Jennifer: Stephen, just sit down.
  • Stephen: No.
  • Jennifer: Here.
  • Stephen: Stop telling me to relax.
  • Jennifer: Just sit down.
  • Stephen: I don't want to sit down.
  • Captain #1: Hey, this is Bahamas, what do you want, you want... not little just a dive, little boy. You just relax.
  • Jennifer: Stop, it's not a fishing... it's not a fishing boat
  • Stephen: I don't care. (Crosstalk) If we paid to get on the boat, I should go fishing if I want.
  • Lady: That's awesome.
  • Captain #2: You want to look at the fishes or you wanna swim with the fishes?
  • Stephen: I don't, I want to fish them. I don't wanna swim and I don't want to look at them.
  • Captain #1: Okay, but, well...
  • Captain #2: You like, you, you want to know waves. Just have a minute.
  • Captain #1: Have a seat.
  • Stephen: STOP TOUCHING ME.
  • David: Hey, chill out, boy!
  • Jennifer: Show the, show the graphic.
  • David: Chill out.
  • Jennifer: Have a sip.
  • Stephen: STOP... touching me!
  • Captain #1: Get on it, boy.
  • Stephen: He's had his hand on me for the last 2 minutes.
  • Jennifer: Just go. Go up there with dad and sit down.
  • Stephen: No, I don't want to sit down!
  • David: Hey.
  • Jennifer: Go, up there.
  • David: Hey, hey, hey.
  • Jennifer: Sit down.
  • David: Chill out.
  • Jennifer: Now.
  • Jack: (Laughing)
  • David: We can't fish. We can't catch a fish.
  • Stephen: But, why?
  • Captain #2: Well, if you want to snorkel then leave.
  • Stephen: I don't want to snorkel, I don't want to go in a water for fish. I don't want water.
  • Jennifer: He's never have to eat. Here we go.
  • Stephen: No, I don't want it. Get out of my face.
  • Lady: Is that your son?
  • Jennifer: Yeah.
  • Stephen: I don't, want it.
  • Lady: I'm sorry.
  • (4 guys are laughing along with Jack)
  • Captain #2: I mean...
  • Lady: We are feeling your pain!
  • Jennifer: It's been an eventful day!
  • Captain #1: Turn it up for like we're watching this turn about.
  • Stephen: No. Turn that music off! That's the worst!
  • David: I love the music.
  • Captain #2: I don't think we've got a problem with the more people with the music.
  • Stephen: I don't want to listen to stupid reggae, put on some rap.
  • Captain #1: Please stop.
  • Jennifer: Stephen he's trying to explain stuff.
  • Captain #1: Behave yourself.
  • Guy: Yeah.
  • Captain #1: Behave yourself.
  • Stephen: No! I don't want to behave myself.
  • Captain #2: Then leave.
  • Captain #1: But listen, there are other folks on our boat.
  • Captain #2: There's no police on here. There's no police on here.
  • Stephen: Why is he telling me there's no police? That's sounds threatening, don't you think?
  • Jennifer: Because it's his boat and you have to follow his rules.
  • Stephen: He's like "There's no police, there's no police" like's he's gonna like his boat.
  • David: He's the captain, you gotta listen to him.
  • Stephen: (Mocking): Oh, he's the captain on his 20 foot boat.
  • Captain #1: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
  • Stephen: Who's there?
  • Captain #1: Hey, hey. Take your time or leave the boat.
  • Stephen: Leave the boat, what?
  • Captain #1: It's not very...
  • Stephen: Leave the boat, like, how am I gonna leave the boat it's like a walking...
  • Jennifer: (shocked that her son Stephen gets pushed into the ocean by the captain) OH!
  • Other Vacationers: Oh!!
  • David: Whoa, whoa, he can't swim!
  • Jack: (laughs so hard)
  • Jennifer: Get Stephen, David!
  • Captain #2: HEY, MAN!
  • David: Damn, he can't swim, man!
  • Jennifer: Get him out!
  • Captain #2: CAN YOU JUMP? (David splashes to save his son Stephen from the ocean)
  • Jack: (continues to laugh out loud)
  • Lady: Oh, my... Help him.
  • Jennifer: Stephen, come here.
  • Jack: (keeps laughing hard)
  • Stephen: THAT BASTARD PUSHED ME!
  • Jennifer: Come on! Come on!
  • Jack: OH, HO, MY GOD! (laughing out loud again)
  • David: Hey, hey, it's cold, man!
  • Stephen: I'M NOT GOING BACK TO THAT BOAT.
  • Jennifer: Get it! Come up!
  • Jack: Ah, ha, ha!
  • Captain #1: Get that rope!
  • Jennifer: We're gonna fish!
  • Captain #2: Oh, my go...
  • Jack: Oh, ho, my god!

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